Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
