I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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