i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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