It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
