if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
