Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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