Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
