no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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