go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
