yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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