she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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