I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
