On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
