I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize