The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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