I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
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Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
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we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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