smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
