I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You may now shotgun with the bride
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
