our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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