Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
