I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
