I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
where am i from again
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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