I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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