If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
