Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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