I bet he comes in French.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
