We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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