Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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