I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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