Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
