you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
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