So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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