Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
