i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
