oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize