I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
