I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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