So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Green mimosas i think yes
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I want her autograph on my taint
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
