Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
