he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
