Yo dont text me then not text me
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
