so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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