I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
