Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
