five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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