I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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