its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize