I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
