my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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