There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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