Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My vagina is officially offended.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
