Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
