I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
