You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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