Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
