am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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