True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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