I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
