Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
