At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
