My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
