You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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