i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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